Winding down and burning out...

Sad, this blog. Right? I'd fully intended to keep up with the writing throughout the year, but clearly this hasn't happened. Better late than never!

With exactly 2 weeks left of my second year of medical school, I find myself so utterly burnt out and exhausted by the pace and intensity of learning that med school demands. And a learning curve that's steeper than anything I've ever attempted before.

And then there's Step 1. 

For you non-medical people, that's the first of the three-part National Medical Licensing Exam (the "boards"). It's the toughest one of the 3 steps, and the score you get largely determines which medical specialty you are eligible for.  No big deal, right..?

But as tired and drained as I am, I look forward to my 6 week period of boards studying with anticipation and thankfulness. And I'm gonna write it here now, for 1-month-into-the-future me.. as a reminder.

1. I'm anticipating this time because it's everything we've been preparing for, hearing about, and dreading - since Day 1 of medical school. Whenever upper years and doctors told us, "You should definitely know this, because it's on the boards." We would look at each other and cringe with fear. The booaaardds! It was a scary, mysterious monster that loomed between us and the envied "clinical years". And I'm finally 2 weeks away from doing battle with it. I hope I'm ready.
2. As difficult as this period will be, it represents the FINAL weeks of my pre-clinical years. Yes, the 12-hours-a-day, 6-days-a-week will blow. But just 6 weeks of suffering and I can say goodbye to the endless lectures, the hours of studying without a face to put to the disease, the monotony and stress of it all. Forever. 
3. Thankful. Not everyone gets to be a full-time student. Not everyone makes it into medical school. Not everyone gets the wonder of studying the human body. My God has become so much bigger to me, as I've learned more about His creation. The intricacies, the detail, the fragility of how everything works together... He is an awesome God.
4. Broken for the sickness, the sorrows, the pains that fill this world. We live in a fallen world because of sin, which tainted everything good that God created. But there is such a huuge redemption plan, a powerful act of grace and sacrifice and love! One day, Jesus will wipe away the tears and sorrows of those who know Him. And until that day comes, I have the privilege of using my medical knowledge to serve the needy and point them to Christ, the one who gives real healing and eternal life. 

It was a rough and humbling two years, but I am so thankful for everything that I've learned.

Loving you deeply, through prayer.

Photo credit: You Na

How Deep the Father's Love for Us - Phillips, Craig, and Dean

Today, I'm praying for this group of women (pictured above). Each one is a dear sister and future colleague. I could go on about how God has been opening our timid, injured, or calloused hearts; and allowing us to share in each other's deepest struggles and richest blessings. But I've gushed about my girls on this blog already (I think), so I'll save Part 13958 of that for another day.

Today, I feel an urge to pray for you girls.

Thanksgiving for your words and prayers for me - the gentle way you point out my need for Christ. The thoughtfulness with which you ask me the hard questions. The love that you show, even when I am hard to love.

Prayers for the personal "bondages" that we all identified last week: the things in life that prevent you from fully enjoying God, and from obeying His word.

Prayers that you will truly believe...

• That health is a blessing, but it is far better to be sick if it will drive us to Jesus.
• That success is a blessing, but that we will praise God in times of poverty or  failed careers or thwarted life plans - if it will turn our eyes to the pure, holy, everlasting promise of heaven that we've inherited.
• That friends, family, husband - companionship - is a blessing, but that we would embrace and cherish loneliness if it will increase our longing and desire for a deeper relationship with Jesus. The one who never fails us, and never leaves us.

And that at the end of this race, when we stand at heaven's gate, I will see you there; and we will all share in a wondrous, joyful, unspeakably amazing celebration with Jesus Christ. Until then, let's press on. =)