Once a Day, Smile.

"My daughter, you must cultivate a joyful and peaceful atmosphere at home. Once a day, smile. You smile a lot, but you must especially smile when you are stressed or anxious."

My mother knows me. I'm a smiley and happy girl by nature, but my face and attitude so easily betray me when I'm having a bad day or am stressed.

Tuesday was one of those moments. Med school exams were looming just 3 days away (translation: each millisecond not spent studying felt wasted). Intending to study for a couple hours before class, I woke up early - but somehow, after fixing myself breakfast and packing lunch+snacks for Hubs and lunch+snacks+dinner for myself, my two study hours disappeared! I rushed out the door and ran to the bus stop. 10 minutes passed. No bus. 15... 17... 25 minutes, but still no bus. And late for class.

Did I smile? Why yes, I put on a beautiful, relaxed smile; and when my husband offered to drop me off, I sweetly thanked him for going out of his way for me.

....NOT. That's what I should have done. Instead, I angry-texted my husband and somehow made it seem like his fault. That, dear readers, is something you should never do.

He didn't have to leave home for another half hour, but he graciously ignored the angry undertones of my text and offered to drive me to school as soon as he was ready.

I stood there at the corner, seething and shooting death glares at any poor soul that dared make accidental eye contact. It was not a pretty morning, and I was not a cultivator of joy or peace in the Jeong home.

Why am I writing about this ugly (and petty) morning?
Because this is who I am. My heart is sinful. My motives are selfish. My temper is ugly. If there was anyone on this planet that should deserve to be in heaven... honey, I am not a prime candidate.

But God DID choose this undeserving girl! My husband gave me a small, earthly glimpse of this undeserved love. He chose not to get angry at my irrational temper and telling me to toughen up; he offered to go 30 minutes out of his way to drive me to school; he prayed for my heart, that I would cling to God's promises and find peace in them. He didn't say a word about how apologetic I should be towards him.

My mom told me to smile once a day, and I know what she means now. Even when my heart feels darkened by my own sin and the sins of this world, even when I feel distant from God, smile. "Because I am confident of this: that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" (Philippians 1:6, slightly paraphrased).

I rest secure in God's promises. In the meanwhile, friends, please pray that I will learn to smile in the midst of angst; not a shallow smile to cover up a tempestuous heart, but a smile that starts deep within my soul - from a quiet, trusting heart that finds unshakable peace in the fullness of her Father's love.

**p.s. excuse me if this post rambles a bit. Being 12 hours away from an exam doesn't usually result in eloquence. Also, I apologize for not posting that pancake recipe. I will this weekend, I promise!