365 Days

[Marriage] is more than your love for each other. Vastly more... The meaning of marriage is the display of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people. 

-John Piper, This Momentary Marriage.

365 days ago, YS and I made a vow before God and man to love and serve each other until the day we die. Years of waiting and praying had finally come to fruition as we entered into this union of marriage; what a joyous day of worship it was! I still get goosebumps (and a fuzzy-heart feeling) when I reflect on our wedding day and those final weeks of planning. Because, you see, God made His love for me and Hubs so undeniably clear during this time in my life. My Creator used this stressful phase to confirm that He had brought us together, desired to be present at our wedding, and would always be with us in our marriage. 

You couldn't tell from our wedding photos, but the week (actually, month) leading up to July 23, 2011 was particularly stressful. I had spent several months carefully budgeting, saving, and planning for this day. Two weeks before the wedding, however, we faced an unexpected budget change. So the reception decor had to be simplified, more new DIY (do-it-yourself) projects had to be completed, and this bride-to-be was at her wit's end.

Just when I thought I was regaining control, I received notice from a loan company that my application was denied because my school did not exist. Say whaaat?? In a panic, I called the company and assured them that my school did indeed exist! For a harrowing few days, I was unsure if I would even be able to start med school the next month. And on par with the anxiety of being $40K short for tuition was my worry that the lantern bulbs for our reception hadn't arrived. These crucial bulbs, without which the church basement-turned-reception hall would be very dark, was my breaking point. I wept to God in desperation, Lord, Why?? Everything is going wrong; this wedding's going to be horrible! And didn't YOU miraculously get me into med school?? What's happening?

That's when I felt God nudging my heart. My child, where has your focus gone? Why don't you spend time with me anymore? I'm heartbroken that you have started to desire my gifts more than me. You're running yourself into the ground trying to please people, not me, through your wedding. 

I cringed to see what I had done to myself. Bogged down by the details of the wedding celebration, I stopped bringing my requests to God in prayer. Instead of being thankful for the many blessings we were surrounded with, I grew easily irritated with my fiance, family, and friends. I had ceased to desire God and to drink deeply from His satisfying Word, the Bible.

It was a rough wake-up call, but one that I needed. Praise God for disciplining me, because on our wedding day I could wholeheartedly and joyfully stand before God. With my hands empty and my heart open, my husband and I were free to truly worship God for His work in our lives.

How about the loans and the bulbs? Five days before the wedding (and two weeks before med school orientation), I made a trip to Canada to finalize my matriculation; the loans finally came through! Those lantern bulbs never arrived in the mail, but that's fine. There was a purpose for that: we were overwhelmed by the support that we received from our families and wedding party. These wonderful people sent out emergency squads to hunt for acceptable bulb-replacements; labored late into the night to clean up the basement, making it reception-able; and filled our hearts with their contagious excitement and joy at our union.
Edit: Hubs just reminded me that we found the bulbs in our mailbox the morning after our wedding! It was really God's hand that "hid" the bulbs from us until afterwards, so that we could experience more of His love through our friends and family.

I journaled this prayer close to the wedding:
Our wedding, God, you have stripped down to its bare bones for a reason: to show Your glory and love. Father, there are those in our wedding who don't know You. May these guests come away from the wedding wondering, "Who are You that they praise you so, and place You at the center of their lives?" I pray that they will want to know You personally too. 
To those guests who have witnessed or experienced failed or hurtful marriages, please show them the purpose of marriage as you designed it to be. Comfort them. 
Please help us to honor you this day.

God answered our prayers. Our wedding was humble and simple, but in the "bare bones" nature of our wedding, God's presence and work was that much more visible. This, I could not have planned.

Happy One Year Anniversary, Babe!