A Day of Encouragement

Sometimes, you want to ask God for something but it seems so... ridiculous. As in, this-is-an-impossible-request-i'm-crazy-to-want-it ridiculous. And so you start criticizing yourself for being childish and unrealistic.

But crazy as it was, here I was making my childlike, very specific request to my Father. This is how the story goes...

Med school, semester 2. 

Marriage, semester 2. 

Hubs and I were going through a lonely phase. I'll admit, just because you're married to your best friend doesn't mean loneliness be gone forever. Sometimes it's even lonelier than single-hood because he can't hang out as freely with his guys, and I can't hang out as freely with my girls.

So we were craving married couple friends with whom we could relate, hang out, and keep each other accountable in our marriages and walks with God. All of our college friends who were married were, unfortunately, not in Philadelphia.
(Side note: not that we don't like our non-married friends, especially our Cornell-in-Philly crew! How could we have survived this year without you?? We're so blessed that you're with us!)

One Sunday morning, I blurted out to Hubs, "You know what I'm gonna pray for? That next year, we'll find a married couple friend, and she'll be in med school, and he'll be a seminary student!" Of course we both laughed at the absurdity of this request.

It became our "joke of the week". Each day I'd add an amendment to my statement. "Babe, I'm gonna ask for a married couple friend where the girl goes to MY school, and the guy goes to YOURS!" And when our neighbor moved out, "I bet the married couple friend I prayed for will move in upstairs!" Ok, so I went a little overboard. But for some reason, these silly requests stuck in my heart, and I couldn't shake it off.

So secretly, timidly, I started praying for this request every once in a while. That we would become friends with another couple who shared our faith in God, and had similar visions. But after a few weeks, my adult mind - which operated with logic, cynicism, and doubt - smacked down the prayers that my childlike heart had been whispering.

Fast forward to last week. Incoming first years start moving in. I have some anatomy textbooks to sell. I post on their Facebook class page. First person to email. She asks if I can spare some time to chat with her when we meet to exchange books & money, because she's a newlywed and has some questions about life in med school. Married? So am I! Oh, and she commutes. So do I! (Commuters are rare at my school.) For a minute, I wondered if she was a Christian. But how does married + commute = Christian? I laughed at my own desperateness.

I met her yesterday. Not long into our conversation, my hunch started creeping back. Is she?? I asked, of all things, the name of her college...and I recognized it - the name of a Christian college! Finally, an excuse to ask the question that had been burning on my tongue: "Are you a Christian?" YES!

That in itself was amazing. But then she added, as if acting on a hunch of her own, "And actually, my husband will be starting seminary this fall at --"

"WESTMINSTER???" I interrupted. She paused, and nodded. I practically shouted, "No! Way! What?? MY HUSBAND TOO!!"

Shocked. Chilled. Amazed. We both sat there, staring at each other with our mouths agape. And then the barrage of words, babbling, laughter. I'd prayed for you, but I'd totally forgotten about my "silly" prayer. She'd called her mom, saying that God brought me into her life, to encourage them as they adjust to all their big changes. Our prayers were so feeble, laced with worry and second-guesses, but they were heard by a big God who loves to encourage and bless His children with things we don't deserve.

I learned a lesson that day. One, maybe I shouldn't "joke" about prayers. Because Two, they could actually come true. Three, never doubt that something is impossible for God. If He wills, and in His time, He can answer.

What amazing encouragement from the Lord!

365 Days

[Marriage] is more than your love for each other. Vastly more... The meaning of marriage is the display of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people. 

-John Piper, This Momentary Marriage.

365 days ago, YS and I made a vow before God and man to love and serve each other until the day we die. Years of waiting and praying had finally come to fruition as we entered into this union of marriage; what a joyous day of worship it was! I still get goosebumps (and a fuzzy-heart feeling) when I reflect on our wedding day and those final weeks of planning. Because, you see, God made His love for me and Hubs so undeniably clear during this time in my life. My Creator used this stressful phase to confirm that He had brought us together, desired to be present at our wedding, and would always be with us in our marriage. 

You couldn't tell from our wedding photos, but the week (actually, month) leading up to July 23, 2011 was particularly stressful. I had spent several months carefully budgeting, saving, and planning for this day. Two weeks before the wedding, however, we faced an unexpected budget change. So the reception decor had to be simplified, more new DIY (do-it-yourself) projects had to be completed, and this bride-to-be was at her wit's end.

Just when I thought I was regaining control, I received notice from a loan company that my application was denied because my school did not exist. Say whaaat?? In a panic, I called the company and assured them that my school did indeed exist! For a harrowing few days, I was unsure if I would even be able to start med school the next month. And on par with the anxiety of being $40K short for tuition was my worry that the lantern bulbs for our reception hadn't arrived. These crucial bulbs, without which the church basement-turned-reception hall would be very dark, was my breaking point. I wept to God in desperation, Lord, Why?? Everything is going wrong; this wedding's going to be horrible! And didn't YOU miraculously get me into med school?? What's happening?

That's when I felt God nudging my heart. My child, where has your focus gone? Why don't you spend time with me anymore? I'm heartbroken that you have started to desire my gifts more than me. You're running yourself into the ground trying to please people, not me, through your wedding. 

I cringed to see what I had done to myself. Bogged down by the details of the wedding celebration, I stopped bringing my requests to God in prayer. Instead of being thankful for the many blessings we were surrounded with, I grew easily irritated with my fiance, family, and friends. I had ceased to desire God and to drink deeply from His satisfying Word, the Bible.

It was a rough wake-up call, but one that I needed. Praise God for disciplining me, because on our wedding day I could wholeheartedly and joyfully stand before God. With my hands empty and my heart open, my husband and I were free to truly worship God for His work in our lives.

How about the loans and the bulbs? Five days before the wedding (and two weeks before med school orientation), I made a trip to Canada to finalize my matriculation; the loans finally came through! Those lantern bulbs never arrived in the mail, but that's fine. There was a purpose for that: we were overwhelmed by the support that we received from our families and wedding party. These wonderful people sent out emergency squads to hunt for acceptable bulb-replacements; labored late into the night to clean up the basement, making it reception-able; and filled our hearts with their contagious excitement and joy at our union.
Edit: Hubs just reminded me that we found the bulbs in our mailbox the morning after our wedding! It was really God's hand that "hid" the bulbs from us until afterwards, so that we could experience more of His love through our friends and family.

I journaled this prayer close to the wedding:
Our wedding, God, you have stripped down to its bare bones for a reason: to show Your glory and love. Father, there are those in our wedding who don't know You. May these guests come away from the wedding wondering, "Who are You that they praise you so, and place You at the center of their lives?" I pray that they will want to know You personally too. 
To those guests who have witnessed or experienced failed or hurtful marriages, please show them the purpose of marriage as you designed it to be. Comfort them. 
Please help us to honor you this day.

God answered our prayers. Our wedding was humble and simple, but in the "bare bones" nature of our wedding, God's presence and work was that much more visible. This, I could not have planned.

Happy One Year Anniversary, Babe!

Psalm 73

photo source

I read Psalm 73 this morning during my time with God. It was so encouraging to read, especially in light of what my husband and I prayed last night in bed.

Truly God is good to Israel,

to those who are pure in heart.

The Lord has truly been good to us this past year. We've always had a roof under our heads; fresh, delicious food to sustain us; a new church family, and continued spiritual growth. He is faithful.

But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,

my steps had nearly slipped.

For I was envious of the arrogant

when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. ...

always at ease, they increase in riches.

All in vain have I kept my heart clean

and washed my hands in innocence.

Last night, we prayed for strength to trust God with our finances this coming school year. It is so easy to look at the lives of others, and be jealous of their carefree spending habits and spacious living spaces that we just cannot afford. 

Being a Christian doesn't protect you from the pains and evils of this world. At times, it seems that we are allowed to experience more hardships, for the sake of our purification. Like God tenderly disciplining His children. This Psalmist certainly felt so; it's no wonder he asked, Is it all in vain? when he saw unbelievers live without hardship or worries.

But when I thought how to understand this,
it seemed to me a wearisome task,
until I went into the sanctuary of God;
then I discerned their end.
Truly you set them in slippery places;
you make them fall to ruin.

Have you experienced this? When I'm not spending as much time with God as I should, or when I'm feeling far from him, I am easy prey. I fall so quickly into the trap of jealousy and bitterness because my life isn't fair, and I deserve better, and the list goes on.

But it's because my focus has been off-center. The Psalmist experienced the same. Until he went into the sanctuary of God, he couldn't make sense of his world! But in that sanctuary, he recalled the greatness of his Lord. As he worshipped and prayed, he remembered the eternal hope that God had surely promised him, and that was more than enough for him. I want that. I want my husband and I to always be "in the sanctuary of God"; that is, to be immersed in the Bible, to continually pray, to keep our minds focused on the goal.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.

For me, it is good to be near God.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

I just discovered a stack of CD's in our TV stand with a bunch of old photos from my past. I spent the better part of yesterday poring through the photos, "rediscovering" my memories! Here's a few of my favorites, for your viewing pleasure:

Canada

Newlyweds

We waved Daddy good-bye as he went to work

California

I had to force myself not to post a million photos of my baby sister. 

She was unspeakably adorable! This one I couldn't not share:

Mongolia

Dressed in traditional Mongolian clothes for Tsagaansar (Lunar New Year)

Aaand... that concludes it for childhood photos! I had an extended "awkward teen lankiness" phase, which is why most (all?) of you have never seen my teen pictures from Mongolia and Germany. And probably never will ::evil grin::.

I'll end with this awesome photo: my dad in Senegal, dancin' it up in the center of the circle.

The best part? MBC (Korean TV Channel) happened to record it. :D

Family

Two beautiful women visited us in Philly over the weekend. I hadn't seen my mom in a whole year, and sister since her last visit for New Year's. One flew in from Korea, the other from Michigan. Needless to say, the best of times were had :)

Many of you (sparse) blog readers know that Hubs and I have weekly "family worship" times. We sing a praise, listen to a sermon, share prayer requests, pray. We had our regularly scheduled worship time last weekend too... but with two more family members present, it really felt like what we call it - family worship. I am so humbled and thankful that God poured out His presence among us that night. A wonderful time sharing about the things we experienced and learned during this past year of marriage. Hearing Mom and Dad's testimonies - how they came to Christ, how Jesus healed their marriage and made it burst with so much fruit, how God has been growing them the past 15 years on the mission field.

Our family isn't perfect by any means. My sister and I quarrel, my parents don't always call each other honeydew, Hubs and I are past our "honeymoon" stage. But...

Our family loves God. We live in awe of His tender love for us, none of which we deserve. And because of the healing and forgiveness we've experienced in Christ, we can ask God for the strength to do the same.

Our family is learning to share deeply of this union in Christ, which runs deeper than our ties of blood. Already I see how much Jesus has grown us as a family. And how rich of an addition my husband is to the Pak clan.

Our family sits at the cusp of some big changes and new directions. Please, we covet your prayers - that we would continue to be honest and open with our struggles and praises; and that our times of fellowship and sharing would grow deeper and more frequent, despite the distance. Thank you.

S & D, Married!

(on the plane, Cali-bound!)

We were so excited for June 30, 2012. Because it was our long-awaited trip to California, sure, but more so because it was the wedding weekend of S (aka Arenita!), a dear friend of both of us. S & D's story comes straight out of a fairytale: they met as Maid of Honor and Best Man at the wedding of S's practically-twin sister and D's best college bud. Guy pursued girl relentlessly. Girl made it super hard. Guy kept pursuing. Girl finally gave it a chance. And a beautiful love story formed: one of sacrifice, commitment, prayer, worship, servanthood.

Although we had to watch the story unfold from across the country, I felt such happiness and awe at God's loving plan for my friend Arenita. We'd known each other's weaknesses and struggles through our 4-hour long (yup..) weekly small groups, where we learned to share even the darkest corners of our hearts. Arenita, I love to reflect on what God has brought you through during your years of singlehood, because I can see how its highs and lows has refined your character and strengthened your dependence on God alone, ultimately preparing you for this next phase.

Welcome to marriage! Hubs and I loved having a chance to serve you and D this weekend. As your sister said during our bridesmaids' prayer for you, your wedding day was Day 1 of S & D's worship of our Father. It was truly a God-centered, humbling day of worship. May every day of your marriage bring Him praise and glory!

6.30.12 S & D Wedding, California

Preparations

This is how much we bridesmaids love Arenita: 

Getting fed, manicured, and photographed during some downtime ;)

First Look

How gorgeous is this bride??

Almost There...

It was a precious privilege to pray for Arenita just minutes before she walked down the aisle :)

(Photo credit MJK - thanks, ex-roomie!)

Ceremony and Reception...

Unfortunately, since I was a bridesmaid and Hubby was the videographer, neither of us got any photos on our own camera of the actual ceremony... I guess we'll have to wait for the professional ones to turn up on Facebook!

Congratulations once again!!

A Life-Changing Move

California... Back in elementary school, we briefly lived in La Mirada, California while my parents attended Talbot Seminary at Biola. It was a poignant 3 years for sure, but many of my memories are sadly faded and replaced by more vivid ones from Mongolia, Germany, and adulthood. I hadn't been back since the year we left - 1998 - so you can imagine how ecstatic I was about this trip.

We loved the beaches, the palm trees, the weather, and catching up with old family friends (mine). But I realized something that weekend, as we drove past my family's old apartment and my elementary school. The "me" in California was drastically different from who I have grown up to be. My personality, experiences, dreams, and worldview - none of these were crucially shaped by the years I spent here. What kind of woman would I have become, had we stayed in California? I can't even begin to imagine, because the experiences I had in Mongolia and Germany stand in stark contrast to what I think would have been my experiences as a teenage girl in California.

I might have lived in more comfort, had more opportunities, known what it's like to grow up with the same friends and have a true sense of home. And I'm confident that God would have still made Himself known to me.

But I would never have stepped foot inside a ger (Mongolian yurt); never met our Mongolian friends who lived with much less, yet showed such joy in God; never gone to boarding school with other MKs (Missionary Kids) from Turkey, Mali, Russia, Ghana, you-name-it; never felt the harsh reality of people suffering from pain, poverty, and hopelessness.

What happened in Mongolia, Germany, China, Venezuela, Ithaca - that's what ultimately made me who I am today.

I was heartbroken when I graduated from Escalona Elementary, knowing that I wouldn't be at Huntington(?) Middle School with my friends in the fall. My little 10 year old heart hurt that I couldn't audition for our middle school cheerleading squad, beat Robert at handball every Sunday, have  anymore sleepovers with Ylan. If only I knew what blessings and growth were in store for me! If only I knew how irrevocably the next decade would shape me!

Faithful is our Lord. Faithful in my life.

So, friends, hold onto this promise that God gave His children: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)

Hubs and I don't even know what country we'll be in 15 years from now. But this we know for sure: that the One who saved us and loves us has it all planned out, and it's greater than any future we could build for ourselves.

I, for one, am thankful I never had a chance to become a cheerleader. Who would I have become??

M & S, Married!

Hi blog, it's been a while. We've been running all over the country the past few weeks, attending one wedding and then another. Between all the traveling and catching up with responsibilities, I've been a little out of my groove!

Both weddings were such beautiful, joyful celebrations of God's love and faithfulness in the new couple's lives. Photos were, unfortunately, a bit scarce at both.. But I still managed to snap a few here and there.

6.23.12 M & S Wedding, New Jersey

M is the epitome of the word "sweet". I've been so thankful for her gentle, kind, and understanding heart in the few years I've known her. What a true blessing that God would bring someone equally sweet and amazing into her life! Thank you, M and S, for letting Hubs and me witness the beginning of your covenant with each other and God. And what a fun party you threw! :)

Exchanging vows

Tender moment with the parents

 You may now kiss the bride!

 

Fun times with Cornell friends